sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So vagazzling was a success
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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