just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
