K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
