How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
