Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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