sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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