Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
