she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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