I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize