Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
