coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
