The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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