OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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