His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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