yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
