Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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