So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
