walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
