walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Two words: blizzard sex
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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