I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
