I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
