onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize