It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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