Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
