Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When are your genitals available?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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