twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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