My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
