I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
