I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
