I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
