Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm bleeding and have questions
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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