Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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