He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
