I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
