I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
