it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
