The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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