'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
