So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
