just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
