Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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