would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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