I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
