girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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