this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
