Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
