Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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