you would pick up someone in the library
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Are we still banned from the library?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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