i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
