Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
