I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
