My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize