I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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