Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No...this little piggys going to the bar
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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