I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
