guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
