just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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