just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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