OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
