Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
