dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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