can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
