This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
