are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize