I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
