when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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