So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize