There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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