Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
