carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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