Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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