we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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