I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
