i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
