there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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