So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
