Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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