Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
