I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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