she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
