and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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